Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!
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​tl;dr The simplest hack to becoming the person you want to be is to surround yourself with those who already embody those traits.
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I was talking to my friend Josh today, and he mentioned that he feels like a sponge. Whoever he surrounds himself with, he feels like he starts acting more like them. He feels warmer and more social when he’s around outgoing people and more negative and frustrated when he’s around more glass-half-empty people.
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Josh isn’t alone in this. We are social creatures constantly optimizing our chances of survival, which historically meant fitting in with the pack and preventing being ostracized by any means possible. In the past, being different could mean death if it meant not having a group to share resources like food and safety. There’s a primal instinct in all of us to get along with the group to survive.

This has been replicated in studies demonstrating the human need to be in sync with others in everything from gestures to walking to facial expressions. We subconsciously will start walking at the same pace as others, tapping our feet when others do so in our company, and contorting our faces to match the emotion we perceive in conversation. No wonder Josh finds himself drifting towards certain personality traits in various situations; we are designed to do so.
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We are all guilty of it, whether we’re cognizant or not. We become chameleons, blending in with our environments. If we’re around friends who exercise regularly, we’re more likely to be active. When we’re around colleagues who drink regularly, we’re more likely to consume more alcohol. It doesn’t take a sociologist or psychologist to see the effects on behavior of the group dynamic we’re in.
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This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, we wouldn’t have evolved to be this way if it were. But leveraging it to be a useful tool instead of an impediment takes a conscious effort.
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If I were working in corporate America and happy hour was a standard practice several afternoons per week, I would not want to plan to hang out with my coworkers if my goal was to drink less. Could I go and not drink? Of course. But if this is a new habit you’re working on, putting yourself in a situation where temptation is high and willpower is low is not setting yourself up for success.
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Instead, you can find the coworkers who want to get coffee or work out afterwards instead of going to the bars. Or maybe you schedule yourself for a facial after work or an appointment so you have a reason to skip out on $6 well drinks on a Wednesday. You can set up your environment to get around the people who you want to be more like, so you start instilling that mindset for yourself.
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If you want to gain financial literacy, get around the people in your life who have healthy money practices, and don’t be afraid to talk to them about it. Ask how they allocate their paychecks, how they decide to use discretionary income, and what they’re investing in. Anyone successful in any area of life is, 99% of the time, happy to help teach someone willing and eager to learn.
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The first question to ask yourself is, do you want to change? If something internally feels like it is ready to give in and wants more in life, get clear on what it is you want to change about yourself. And this doesn’t necessarily mean you have to use negative language. Everything about you has served you in some way up until this point. So try to objectively check in and make note of how a change would help you get closer to the person you want to be.
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Once you have a clear idea of what you want to change and why, seek out the people in your life who are a step ahead of you in that direction. It might be a loved one. It might be an old classmate you see on social media. Or it might be someone at your gym or in your book club. It’s scary to ask, but people are usually more than willing to help, especially if it’s in a field they have made progress in!
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Then, get yourself around these people as much as possible because the more of your environment is impacted by them, the more likely it is for you to really start seeing changes.
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I have coaches and mentors for business, fitness, and social media, because I want to grow in all of these areas. I found people who have outcomes that I desire and have been working hard to learn from their guidance and their mistakes. The more I submerge myself in those environments, the more progress I make.
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Nota bene: The greatest discomfort about this process is realizing the relationships that are not serving you. They may be friends with whom you feel you spend the entire time gossiping. Or they may be coworkers you only go out to eat and drink with, or complain about life with. While these relationships may feel comfortable, they are not moving you in the direction you want to go. While you may not have to cut them out necessarily, you do have to set boundaries, which can involve difficult conversations. But it also reveals who is truly there for you and wants to see you succeed, and who is just there to drag you down on their pessimistic ship. Don’t be a sponge for those people.
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Being a sponge can be a beautiful thing. You know the people in your life when you leave a gathering, you feel brimming with joy and like you can conquer the world. Fill your life up with more of those. Find the people who pull you up with them and encourage you to be better (which may also involve difficult conversations, but the ones we need to hear). So be a chameleon and blend in with environments of excellence and growth. Life can be so sweet, but we have to find the right people who reflect that beauty.
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If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.
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This week, my podcast recommendation is from Dan Harris’ 10% Happier, “The Neuroscience of Likeability, Social Connection, and Brain Health.”
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With that, I am so excited for these next couple of weeks! Can’t wait to see what we can make of the rest of this summer!
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Until next time,
Shannon