Welcome back to Thank God It’s Monday!
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​tl;dr What opportunities have you written off as sour grapes in your life? What felt just beyond reach, so you wrote it off as “not worth it?” The difference between a lucky life and one of misfortune can be a choice.
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In Aesop’s The Fox and the Grapes, a fox attempts multiple times to jump and reach a delicious-looking bunch of grapes hanging from a branch. After several fruitless (ha) efforts, he walks away. To soothe his wounded pride, he tells himself the grapes were sour and not worth the effort.

Were the grapes really sour? Maybe, maybe not. But for the fox, it must be true that they were to validate his unsuccessful attempts at obtaining them. Because if he left sweet grapes hanging from the vine, then it was a failure. Leaving sour grapes behind was a justified decision.
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The abandoned sour grapes serve two purposes for this frustrated fox. First, is that he can be certain of the outcome. He leaves no room for ambiguity whether the grapes would have been sweet and delicious or sour and distasteful. Certainty closes the loop so that it is not left open to occupy mental capacity. Humans (and this fox) want certainty because it minimizes energy expenditure and feels satisfying.
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The second purpose of the fox’s decision is to shift the locus of control. When the grapes were too high on the branch, the fox could blame the external environment for his lack of success. Sour grapes further put the responsibility on anyone but him, the creator of the grapes, perhaps. Placing the locus of control externally creates a sense of ease because there was nothing else that could be done. Had he taken an internal locus of control, he may have decided he could improve his jumping technique, learned to climb the vines, or befriended a smaller animal to help him retrieve the bunch; but all of those would’ve created the tension of responsibility.
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Have you written off any opportunities as sour grapes? Taking that leap of faith to change careers? Making a big move out of your hometown? Investing in a coach or a therapist? Perhaps you looked at these and told yourself these grapes are sour when really you didn’t want to take responsibility or deal with the uncertainty.
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Through many of the studies conducted about happiness, one theme continues to reemerge as an important variable in people’s quality of life: the extent to which they feel they are in control of their lives.
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I would bet even if the fox did get the grapes, he might still complain about the juiciness, sweetness, or quantity of them, because negative Nancys are still going to find a way to be negative Nancys. And why are people like that? I don’t think people have a goal in life to be as miserable as humanly possible. But I do think they would rather the discomfort of negativity than the discomfort of responsibility (because at least the former can be guaranteed).
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And unfortunately, it’s not like the first time someone makes a decision to take responsbility of a situation, it automatically feels rewarding. On the contrary, it’s usually uncomfortable to take responsibility for what’s happening in your life. It’s only with time that trust develops with yourself to know that even though you may not control the outcome, you can control your input, and that eventually is enough of a reason to assume an internal locus of control.
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It’s funny, though, how life lessons will continue to reappear until we learn them. I think that might be evident for people who say things like, “Oh, that’s always just my luck,” when something bad happens, or “I’m just a black cloud.” The opportunity to take responsibility shows up over and over again, and as long as these foxes and negative Nancys keep diverting ownership, they will continue to blame the universe and feel like they drew the short straw.
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Thankfully, this phenomenon works the other way, too. We can choose to find the sweet lemons in life by assuming control over our actions and learning to persevere despite uncertainty.
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When we practice these skills, they too will continue to appear and teach us something new.
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I went back to last year’s newsletter to check when we celebrate our TGIM anniversary (more on that next week), and found that last year on the edition closest to my birthday, I also wrote about how your belief in your control over your life is correlated with your health, career, and resilience. Out of 52 TGIM’s per year over almost six years, that’s quite fortuitous if you ask me. I suppose that lesson continues to show up in my life to remind me of a lesson that needs refreshing (check it out here if you missed it: https://walshwellness.kit.com/posts/tgim-thoughts-for-30.
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It can be challenging to take control of our actions when it feels like life is happening to us. But something I read in Think Again really helped shift the perspective on how to take back the steering wheel when it feels like we’re spinning out in the car of life. The author said (or what I understood of it), we may not be confident in the outcome, especially with a new skill or endeavor. But we can be confident in ourselves and our ability to learn, adapt, and grow. And this trust in ourselves can help us navigate uncertainty, knowing we’ve handled all new experiences up until now, and we will handle this next one, too.
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Heading into 31, I am grateful for all of the bundles of grapes that I’ve found along the way. Certain bunches that were out of reach last year have been sweet when I obtained them, and others have taught me lessons in their pursuit. And best of all, there are new ones that feel impossibly out of my grasp right now, but I trust myself to know that I will learn how to tackle those, too. No opportunity is out of my (or your) grasp, as long as I’m (you’re) willing to work hard and not quit.

If you found some value in this, please share it with a friend you think would enjoy it! And let me know if you’d like to be added to get TGIM.
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This week, my podcast recommendation is from Shane Parrish’s The Knowledge Project, “The Mindset That Unlocks Your Full Potential with Dr. Gio Valiante.”
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With that, I’m thankful for another orbit around the sun, and can’t wait to see what this next one brings.
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Until next time,
Shannon